dreamsforthefandom

Okay, I really need some critique on this, I might post more for the first chapter itself. I just want critique of this part.

NiGHTS: Journey on Earth

The Magic Pickle Fairy

Reality One

Helen Cartwright remembered it all, the dream that she had, and it was the death of her friend. She destroyed her friend’s creator, which destroyed him also. She wondered why she had to help kill him. She would have done with living in her nightmares, as long as she had NiGHTS, still as her friend.

She picked up a chicken salad sandwich at the cafeteria, and then went for a place to sit down. The tables seemed to be full, even with the one with her two friends: Joy and Pammy. She looked at an almost empty table, the almost meant that it only consisted of the new kid at her homeroom class.

“It must be hard to be the new kid,” Helen told herself. She stepped in front of the table and said, “Hi!”

The kid looked up from his Cesar Salad with a big smile on his face, “oh, hi Helen….” Immediately he covered his mouth, as if he had said something wrong.

“What’s wrong?” Helen asked in confusion.

“Well,” the boy sighed, “sit down and I’ll explain.”

She sat down with full confusion, he seemed very nervous about what he was about to explain.

“Helen, this is hard to say, but I’m NiGHTS.”

Her heart struck with happiness, NiGHTS, is alive? Even if she was happy, she was very doubtful about her happiness, the words were of full hesitation “N-no, it can’t be, you’re not NiGHTS.”

The boy who claimed to be NiGHTS shook his head, “but I am, Helen, please. I thought I would die, but instead my body got projected into this world. I changed myself into this form to….”

Tears of joy came from Helen’s eyes, for each word out of his mouth was another tear came from her eyes, “NiGHTS,” she gave him a hug so tight, he might have forgotten to breathe, “I’m so happy you’re here!”

The entire Fanfiction is here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4135272/1/NiGHTS_Journey_on_Earth

Neat! I love the concept about the human forms! I'm going to read the rest ASAP!

That Was Really Good! I Hope You Make One About Will!

That Was Really Good! I Hope You Make One About Will!

allrandomthings wrote:That Was Really Good! I Hope You Make One About Will!

Yout got your wish! The next chapter will have Will's point of view. I won't tell you what it's about, but it is very intresting.

Yay!

NiGHTS Journey on Earth

The Magic Pickle Fairy

Reality 2


“Class, I would like to introduce you to new student,” Mrs. Haverford announced to William Taylor’s class, “this is Ren Meier.”

Those were the first words of the teacher to the class that day. William, or Will, knew what it was like to be new because he moved to Bellbridge two years ago. He should talk to him the chance that he got. Maybe invite him to play football with him.

Ren sat down next to Will, so Will got a good chance to look at the new kid. Ren had a more mature look to him than anyone else his own age. Maybe he was held back a year, or maybe he was taller or more experienced in life. His hair was long, meaning girl like long. His eyes were a crisp blue that seemed almost familiar. Will shook his head, and then listened to his teacher who talked about fractions.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4135272/2/

Neat! Ren must be Reala. Can I have my detective skills badge now? XD

Yes, Ren is Reala, I knew that it was obvious by the name. The rest of the chapter is at the link. It reveals that Ren is Reala...and Will plays football with the nightmarens.

I knew it! but not only by the name but also the discription. Great fan fic by the way!

(Yeah, I guess Ren does look a lot like Reala.)

NiGHTS: Journey on Earth

Reality Three

The Magic Pickle Fairy

The living situation or Ren was a bit more organized than Nicholas’. Madeline was an illegal guardian of Nicholas. Ren had two legal guardians who were also his minions. Donbalon, or Don along with Queen Bella, or Isabella were his “guardians.” The two were also disguised as humans.

When Ren found out that Nicholas was disguised as a twelve year old human, he knew that he had to do to same to reach to him. It was a lucky shot of the first time, for those dreamers sat with him at lunch. He couldn’t depend too much on luck. He needed a connection to Nicholas.

“For the next semester,” Mrs. Haverford announced, “you need to sign up for your electives, Pammy, can you hand out the sheets to the students?”

Electives, huh, Ren wondered if he could sign up for the same ones as Nicholas. Although he wasn’t sure what electives Nicholas would sign up for. Maybe something that would involve his flute? Ren knew that Nicholas loved the flute. He always played for the Nightopians when they lived in the Night Dimension.

A sheet of paper was on the desk. Pammy whispered in Ren’s ear, “Sign up for the musical, it’s a lot of fun!”

A musical does involve music, of course Nicholas would sign up for that. It took up two periods, so it was risky, but what else would Nicholas sign up for? Art?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4135272/3/NiGHTS_Journey_on_Earth

Very good! I lieke your fanfic!

Neat! I love this!

I love it! This is awesome! Please continue when you can.

Thanks guys, I have already written my next chapter down in a journal. All I need to do is type it.

The next chapter is about hair. I am not going to say how it is about hair, it's just that it involves the fibers that sits on humens' heads.

And here it is:

“Hey, Will,” Nicholas cried. Nicholas and Helen were invited to a picnic at Bellbridge’s park. It was a chilly day, since it was March after all, but the park itself was nice. The trees were empty and brown. The soil was flowerless, but Nicholas felt as thought it was a nice day. He ran over to Will who had a blanket set up while Helen walked behind him. “So,” Nicholas began to question, “What are we eating?”

“Ham and cheese sandwiches,” Will answered, “I’m not much of a cook, and they’re probably not as good as our schools.”

Helen sat down on the blanked then rummaged through the basket, “it’s hard to mess up on sandwiches.”

“Unless,” Nicholas pondered, “if Will put the ham and cheese outside of the bread.”

Both Will and Helen laughed, that was a very good point that Nicholas made. “No,” Will chuckled, “I put the ham and cheese inside of the bread.”

So everyone sat down to eat Will’s ham and cheese sandwiches. Nicholas had never tried the schools ham and cheese, but Will’s was very good.

A conversation began when Will said, “I heard from Sasha that Ren got the part of Captain Hook in this year’s musical.”

Helen was a bit surprised; she never thought that Ren could act. “Maybe he was type casted.”

Nicholas shook his head, “Reala never acted before, but I bet that he was cast by his personality.”

The three laughed. Will finished his sandwich then grabbed his football, “would you like to play catch?”

After they cleaned up, Nicholas, Helen and Will played catch with the football. “So, Will?” Helen began to ask, “How do you know Sasha? I heard she’s the one playing Peter.”

“She’s Ben’s twin sister.” Will answered, “She is really into acting; she said that Ren is doing a very good job at his part. Ms. Opal was thinking about casting him as the lead next year.” Will kicked the ball to Helen.

“Really? I never knew that about Sasha,” Helen was a bit surprised about the relationship with Sasha and Ben “she’s been acting with Pammy for years.” Helen kicked the ball to Nicholas, but kicked too hard which Nicholas was unable to catch.

“I’ll go get it,” Nicholas called out. He ran over to the rolling ball, which he wasn’t able to catch until he got to a path. At the path he saw Ren walking on it. Something seemed much different about him.

“Oh, Nicholas,” Ren said, “hi.”

“Ah, shoot,” Nicholas thought, “he greeted me.” Nicholas laughed nervously, “Well, hi Reala! Where are you going this fine hour, huh?”

“Hmm,” Ren flipped his beautiful hair. Just when he flipped it, that was when Nicholas realized; it was his hair that was different. It had red stripes; perhaps he gave it streaks recently. “I was going to the movie theatre to see Gina.”

Nicholas was about to comment on Ren’s hair, but the title of the movie, he saw a preview before, “Gina? Why would you see a movie like that alone?”

“I’m not seeing the movie alone,” Ren said, he flipped his beautiful sliky red and black hair again. “I’m seeing it with Helen’s friend, Pammy.”

“Pammy?” Nicholas asked, “Reala, what did you do with her?”

“What?” Ren She only asked me to go see a movie with her, it’s what humans call a ‘date.’”

A date, that was what Ren called it. Nicholas has heard of dates before, he had overheard many students in his class talk about them. They seemed like a special outing between two people who really care for each other. Nicholas did question to himself, “Why would Reala go on a date with Pammy?”

By the time Nicholas was about to open his mouth to ask, Will and Helen came running towards him, “hey Nicholas,” Will called out, “what’s taking you so long?”

“Well,” Ren flipped his hair again, “I will be late for the movie.” He walked away, to see the movie with Pammy.

“Stupid Reala,” Nicholas put up his fist, “him and his red and black hair, why can’t I have purple hair, huh?”

“Well, you can,” said Helen, “if you dye it.”

“Is that what he did with his hair?” Nicholas asked, “I know that Madeline gives us weekly allowances, where can I buy the dye?”

“I know a place where I can buy some dye,” Will have suggested, “James’ brother works at a store called Strummers. It sells all sorts of stuff, like hair dye.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Nicholas began to walk.

“Okay, but Nicholas?” Will asked.

“Yeah?”

“Strummers is that way,” Will pointed the opposite direction where Nicholas was walking.

“Oh…” Nicholas’ face faded a bit, and then smiled again, “then let’s go!”

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4135272/4/NiGHTS_Journey_on_Earth